all hallow’s eve & i do not suffer (2 poems)
on standing up and speaking out
author's note:
i posted the words below after the heartbreaking events of October 7th. now, it’s been an entire year of this horrifying genocide in Gaza and the West Bank. although not at all surprised, i am am more than sad and beyond angry that my government continues to supply funds, weapons and strategy for this and so many other atrocities around the world.
this morning i wept as i offered up my daily prayers to Life.
some part of me finds it beyond comprehension that, despite the will of the vast majority of the people of the world to end the crimes of empire like genocides, wars and famines (among so many other crimes), greed, power-mongering and corruption still rule the day. governments like mine parade "business as usual" and the people continue to suffer. like so many, i often feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of pain in the world.
then i read today’s reading (see photo) in my daily meditation book and wept some more.
i have to remind myself that i cannot be everywhere. i cannot save every person, human or more than human. i cannot save the world. i can only do what is mine to do, even when that feels utterly insufficient. may we midwife an end to this terrible suffering with as much tender care, honest repair and love as possible.
what kind of legacy do you want to leave?
November 25, 2023
it is now officially winter according to the Celtic calendar. Samhain (“SAHwen”), the holy day marking the first day of winter in the northern hemisphere and halfway point between Fall Equinox (the zenith of autumn) and Winter Solstice (the height of winter), fell on November first. in what is often a time of quieting and inwardness, i am heartbroken (but not at all surprised) at the growing number of disturbing events occurring in our world.
it’s been over 40 days since the latest horrors have rocked Palestine and Israel.
to be honest, it didn’t really register as deeply as it should have for me until i read this post by the husband of musician Nessi Gomes about the death of his brother on October 7th. it shook loose any protective ignorance i’d built around my heart and mind. then i saw a post by my friend Daniel Foor who i’ve relied heavily on these last few weeks as a thoughtful and caring resource for good information. here are some of his recent words: Another day of active US backed genocide today. The same ratio of killing (mostly civilians and kids) in the U.S. would equate to 1.6 millions Americans (one in 200). But these are Arabs, these are browner people, they are Muslims (even though not all are, if anyone's counting)…. So... another day of US bombs you and I (Americans) purchased carrying out a genocide. It's on us. As Americans, it's very especially on us.
since then i’ve been reading as much news as my nervous system can metabolize about this utterly heartbreaking situation. (at the very bottom of this blog, you can find links to some articles and other online resources which have kept me updated on what’s happening and also allowed me take heartfelt action.) i also re-read a very important (little) book On Tyranny by Timothy Snyder. i cannot recommend it enough. here’s the introduction to chapter 8, ”Stand Out”: Someone has to. It is easy to follow along. It can feel strange to do or say something different. But without that unease, there is no freedom. Remember Rosa Parks. The moment you set an example, the spell of the status quo is broken, and others will follow.
this moment is not about taking sides. we have enough of that already.
it’s about standing out. it’s about speaking up. for peace, kindness and love. that said, just because i am wholeheartedly in favor of a cease fire by Israel, it does not mean i support Hamas or anti-semitic violence. it does not mean i am in favor of terrorism. what i am in favor of is a third way, a way of both parties stopping and saying, “i will do no more harm, regardless of what’s been done to me.”
as someone who cares deeply about humanity and our world, i cannot remain silent. too much is at stake. i must urge myself and others to “stand out” in ways which feel authentic and supportive to each of us.
with the flood of news and opinions, i struggle with what to do in the face of yet again more war, death and misery. should i stand on the street with a sign? should i attend a march in a nearby city? would that be helpful? what can i offer? how can i speak a truth which is non-polarizing but honors the incredible pain of this moment? how can i use my gifts to bring more peace to the world? as i was praying for right action in response to the unfolding tragedy (a mild word for it), some poems came through. one is below.
i hope these words offer some solace or stir you to consider what you, too, can offer.
to be completely transparent, i am keenly aware (and even concerned) that what i share here may cause some of you to unsubscribe or unfollow and/or to lose “friends” or followers on social media. it may even affect me in terms of losing potential clients or possible sales from my new book. i can’t “afford” those losses. but i have a duty to say something.
i must use my voice. on an ongoing basis…. what other choice can i make?
may we all know we are loved, no matter what. may we all be free from suffering, whether we are receiving harm or causing it. may we all know great joy and deep peace. and may this coming holiday season bring miracles beyond our wildest dreams for our human family to truly awaken. may we be grateful for all we have, for those of us who are able to live without war and oppression have so very much.
happy Thanksgiving (or Takes-giving, more aptly). happy holy-days.
November 4, 2023: this poem came through as i was praying for right action in response to the unfolding tragedy (a mild word for it) in Palestine and Israel. i’ve been struggling for the last week or so with what to do. what can i offer? how can i speak a truth which is non-polarizing but honors the incredible pain of this moment? how can i use my gifts to bring more peace to the world?
ALL HALLOW’S EVE my heart is breaking open again, at the great harms we humans can cause each other. will we ever learn to just stop? to say, enough is enough, and really mean it, and act from that place? can we pause and breathe and let go of our seemingly unquenchable thirst for revenge and retaliation? i know it starts right here, in my own heart. where am i still driven by anger, resentment and blame? against whom do i still hold a grudge? who have i not yet forgiven, including myself? and do i have the courage to admit to my own bitter judgments? if i cannot see these things in myself, i have no hope of bringing anything but a tarnished prayer for peace to this embattled world. it does no good to take up arms against children. we know where that road leads. any eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. there comes a time when one must give up being right in order to be kind. this is that moment.
November 17, 2023: recently, in response to me expressing my sadness about what’s happening in Israel and Palestine, someone said they were sorry for my suffering. what i wanted to say was “i’m not suffering. the people in Gaza who are being methodically bombed are suffering. the people who were killed and tortured by Hamas are suffering. the loved ones of all of these people are suffering.” instead i thanked them for their concern and wrote this poem. i won’t say i hope you enjoy it. but i do hope it moves you to stand out and speak up. i hope my poems say more than i know how to say on my own. i cannot be silent any longer.
I DO NOT SUFFER i do not suffer over this. at least, not in the ways most would think. oh yes, i am sad. sadder than i already was. but this numbing grief, this dull ache in my belly as the horror, the predictable outrageous horror, of yet more atrocities unfolding before my eyes is not my suffering. it would be rude, to say the least, when those who are left to pick up the pieces of the lives they once knew and those whose souls may be adrift in some strange limbo place unsure of what just happened, are shattered more than i can possibly imagine. they are the ones who suffer. i can only lay claim to a kind of distant empathy, a soft, muted embrace which will not likely ever be felt by those who are truly suffering. i can only offer my tears and my silent prayers, hopeful and jaded all in the same breath, that someday (sooner would be nice) we will finish these nightmare cycles of retribution, hatred and war. i suffer only because we continue not to learn that we are more alike than we believe, that we could walk way from all of this if we were willing to listen to each other, to be curious about one another, to put aside our perceived differences and reclaim our humanity.
RE:sources to learn more & support peace in Israel & Palestine (please note that not all of what is shared in any of these resources represents my thoughts and feelings, but they are good resources for learning):
what’s the conflict all about? here’s a simple guide (October 9, 2023)
if you “only have” a few minutes, watch MSNBC “The Reidout” host Joy Reid speak truth (October 31, 2023)
trauma expert Gabor Maté on what's happening and the effects of trauma (October 28, 2023)
very good Yes!Magazine article (November 9, 2023)
972+ magazine (run by Palestinian and Israeli journalists) article (November 8, 2023)
open letter from Jewish writers (November 2, 2023)
eye-opening video, Why Evangelical Christians Love Israel (May 15, 2018)
what about the oil & gas in Gaza? read this (August 28, 2019) and this Chevron oil info for a deeper dive
this Al-Jazeera article with list of names & powerful graphic (November 1, 2023)
ways to support and take action for peace:
6 ways you can support Palestinians in Gaza (American Friends Service Committee; updated September 11, 2024)
learn which companies you can divest from and boycott to support peace and human rights everywhere.
you can give to Baitulmaal, a Palestinian aid organization or MAP (Medical Aid for Palestinians)
Avaaz cease fire petition (updated March 8, 2024)
take action with Jewish Voice for Peace